The Mentor

The Mentor 

October 12, 2018 

Michael Earnshaw
@mearnshaw158

Everyone needs a mentor, but not everyone can be a mentor. When choosing, or serving as one, it’s important to hold a few key characteristics. Mentors must provide guidance, be active listeners, collaborate to help solve issues, and pose reflective questioning for their mentee. No matter how long one has been in the game, everyone can, and will, benefit from a strong mentor.  

A few months back I was participating in a Twitter chat and we were posed the question, “Who is your mentor?” Without hesitation I responded with, “My wife!” My wife is my mentor for my role as a lead learner and Principal. There are many work situations that arise that I will not address until I get home and check with her. I believe that with her not thinking of the “best practices” that schools implement, and instead, thinking as not only a parent, but as a parent of a child with special needs, helps to give me perspectives I never would have thought of on my own coming from an education background.

On October 7, 2018, I came to realize that my wife is not only my mentor for work, but for life. She has never run more than 13.1 miles at a time, but on this cold, dreary, rainy day, she proved to be the best mentor I could ask for while running my 4th Chicago Marathon.  

I don’t care what anyone says, but no matter how many times one runs a marathon, they’re never truly ready. Yes, training and diet have been put in, but there are always factors that can change the expected outcome.  

The mentoring began on the evening of October 6, 2018 after coming home from a scrumptious pasta dinner provided by my sister-in-law. As I was getting my gear ready for race day morning my wife asked how I was feeling. I told her I was nervous. She knew what about, but her response was, “Well what are you nervous about?” I explained taking the train by myself, not knowing which stop to get off at, and the cold, breezy, rainy weather we were expecting. She knew there was more. Instead of just stating the obvious, she asked, “Is that it? Anything else?” I began to explain that I was nervous about the run. Honestly, this training season was less than stellar. I had great intentions at the beginning, but as the extremely warm and humid summer was in full effect, I found myself skipping many runs while pretending to be a pro pool volleyball player in our friend’s backyard. Healthy eating was out the window as well. I kept telling myself, “You’ve run this before, you got it. Start fresh Monday.” Well, one Monday turned into another, and then another. I got runs in, but not like I should have. My wife knew this, but still had me reflect and answer honestly. She responded with, “This probably won’t be your best time, but you will finish, and that’s ok. You’ll know what to do differently if you choose to run again.”  

The day of the race went worse than expected. The train ride I was nervous about was fine, but after I got through marathon security my left foot decided to go deep sea diving in a puddle. Before the race even started my sock and shoe were soaked. I was in Wave 1, so I was able to get an early start. About 1.5 miles in I began to feel a blister that had already formed on my toe. Guess which foot? Yep, the left. The pain was already borderline excruciating and my mind had already made up how the next 24 miles would go.  

Throughout the first 13.1 miles my watch displayed texts from my mentor like, “You’re doing great! Way to go! Keep it up!” I was able to see her and my friends at the halfway mark. She asked how it was going, how was I feeling? I responded, “Not good. My toe is killing me, I already feel a blister which is causing me to run funny and now everything in my right leg hurts.” She asked if I wanted a change of socks that she brought, but I refused since it had started raining again and they would just get soaked within a few minutes. We exchanged a kiss and she told me I'm doing fine and it’s ok if I needed to walk. Up to that point I hadn’t.  

The next mile my legs felt like lead and all I kept hearing over my music was my mentor's voice, “...it’s ok if you need to walk.” And that was the beginning of my demise. Once I started walking for a few feet I could never get back into a running groove. The next 11 miles were a combo of walking and jogging. Yes, I said it, jogging.  

Around mile 16 I actually contemplated quitting, but then I realized I didn’t even know where I was and it would be miles to get back to where I was going to meet my mentor afterwards. Plus, how could I quit when I’ve always taught my kids that once you commit to something you must see it through. I kept chugging along and came to the decision that my marathon career would be over after this one.  

I crossed the finish line in 4:29:27. I know, that’s not a bad time, and finishing a marathon, let alone in those dreary conditions, is an accomplishment. I’m upset with myself. Upset with my lack of training, lack of diet, and the ego I had all training season that I would be fine since I've run 3 marathons before. I let myself down.  

That night, in the comfort of our home, my mentor asked, “How are you feeling?” When I explained how I was upset with myself she didn’t respond with an, “I told you so.” Instead she asked, “Well, what do you need to change? Do you want to continue running like this? If so, what do you need to do differently?” She knew the answers to all these questions, she always does. But being the great mentor she is, she put the questions on me so I must self-reflect.  

My wish is that as school leaders we all remember what it means to be an effective mentor: provide guidance, active listening, collaboration to help solve issues, and pose reflective questioning. As leaders we serve as mentors to many, and may also be in charge of finding additional mentors for those we serve. 

My mentor has all these characteristics and uses them with all aspects of my life.  This has made me a better leader, servant, husband, father, runner, and individual. I can’t thank her enough and will be looking to her for the 2019 Chicago Marathon and many more lifetimes together. I hope you find yours.